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I quit [Tuesday, February 22nd, 2005 @ 1:06am]
[ mood | awake ]

I can't sleep
Just thinking too damn much.
I've been thinking about ways to improve on myself. I came up with numerous things and it's a little saddening. They're personal goals which I would rather keep to myself but I know I won't be able to achieve them unless I quit a bad habit which I've had for nearly 8 months. I feel really motivated right now to do this and I really hope I can, 'cause I know if I don't, I'm gonna be in bad shape.

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blah [Friday, February 18th, 2005 @ 2:42pm]
[ mood | lonely ]

I've been doing the usual :) Having fun and what not
Timmy called me up a few days ago and we're s'posed to hang out on Sunday. I don't know if we will, and I kind of don't want to. He wants to go out but I never hung out with him really. I'd like to get to know him first. He was my first kiss and last year, me and Caitlin went to the movies with him. Well, while I was gone and what not he would try and get on Caitlin...at this time him and me were going out and stuff but once I found that out, I didn't talk to him again 'til just recently. He told me that he cheated on every one of his girlfriends but now he's looking for something more because all of his relationships were hollow and it's not what he wants anymore. I know he's full of shit, but he seems really into me, and if he did cheat on me, I don't think I would care. He's not the kind of guy I would be serious about.
Dave, he's a little older and he lives in Richmond. I like him quite a bit but he doesn't give a shit about me unless he wants ass and then he acknowledges my existance. This kind of shit upsets me. He said to me a few days ago that I had to let him "fuck" me. Considering I've never fucked and Dave and I aren't going out, I'm not going to. Last night I was talking to him on the phone and I brought it up and what he meant by it and why he said it, he couldn't give me a reason and had shit to tell. I got off the phone a short time later and I really don't intend on talking to him or seeing him anymore.

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Meh [Saturday, February 12th, 2005 @ 10:37am]
[ mood | annoyed ]

Work pissed me off. They have me on drive thru sandwiches for some reason, which as soon as I found out I was going to be working there, I knew I would be irritated in some way. I'm not fast, I'm not even close to being fast. I was also being evaluated on my sandwich making skills. After a while, I didn't care anymore. The manager was just standing by me saying "go, go, go, faster, faster, c'mon, go." Naturally, I went slower. It may have been purposely or accidental. I can't concentrate very well if someone's saying shit in my ear while I'm trying to do something, and I'm just too stubborn to follow that type of shit. Well...at least I don't talk back hehheh.
I get home and I call Ham up. 15-20 minutes later, I went over for like an hour, because he was still getting ready. Jesse hung out with us, which was pretty awesome. I met him in the summer but I never became comfortable around him and I was shy, but now that he's living in town I findmyself really enjoying his company.
We went to Dan's to get some stuff and we stopped at BP so that I could get some cigarettes. Well, since I'm underage Jesse had to get them for me. While he was in there, there was this freak pumping his gas. I got kind of scared but I found it kind of hot at the same time. His hair, I can't even describe how it looked. It looked different, that's for sure. His eyes were scary 'cause they just looked demon possessed or something. Anyways, I pointed him out to Ham and I should have known that he would try to make fun of him. He rolled down the window to say something and first he laughed and pointed at the freak dude, while the dude looked at him. I pulled Jon back and the dude left soon after that. Sometimes you have to keep an eye on Ham, and make sure he doesn't get too mean or too out of line with hurting peoples feelings. It's usually only when he's sober, so its not like it's often.
We went through the metroparks, but only once because we saw a cop with its lights on down the road. Went to Down Town Willoughby and were thinking about going to the Enclave but we knew it would be really busy. Which it was, so we just went back to Ham's house and watched some tv show on dvd called Popular. It's so stupid, that I enjoy watching it.
I came home, and I was so out of it. Went upstairs to watch what was left of Psycho 3 and fell asleep. All I remember was my dad coming in my room yelling at me about something, and I'm just half asleep telling him to get out of my room all while hoping he doesn't see the cigarettes that I left out on my dresser. I woke up a few times thinking I had school, and each time I would remember that it's Saturday, but it happened so many times.
Well it's about 11 now and I have work at 11:45-8. Shit hours if you ask me.

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[Friday, February 11th, 2005 @ 3:00pm]
[ mood | blank ]

I haven't updated in a while, and for good reason. I lost the internet and used the computers at the library if I needed to go online. Those things are slow as fuck. I did get a new job though. Unfortunately, it's another fast food joint. Wendys. It's located by the mall and about the same distance as my old job, but it pays better and they're giving me hours. I'm not very comfortable working there yet. They describe everything so vaguely, I feel like a dumbass asking where things go or where I can find things. It's not so bad though. When I quit McDonalds I gave Matt my number. Two weeks or so later me and Ham go inside 'cause he's got the munchies. Matt was working and he could tell that we were impaired 'cause my eyes get really chinked and he usually makes fun of me for it. Anyways, he tells me he lost my number and for me to write it down for him, but that was over two weeks ago and still no phone call. Right now, I'm kinda needing two jobs and I'm wishing I didn't quit McDonalds, and the main reason I did it was so I could hang out and "rock the ganj" with Matt. But since he hasn't called, I'm a little sad and a tidbit pissed off. Oh well, I guess.
Something's been on my mind for a while. I've fallen into that lonely feeling again. It annoys me because I know that when I do meet a guy and go out with them a few times I end up hating them and then I'm not into relationships for a while. I don't think I'm picky either, and I really don't think I have high expectations, so I'm not sure what the deal is.
Well I got work at 4-7 and then me and Ham should be going over Beth's house to hang out. Should be a fun night, usually is.

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[Friday, December 31st, 2004 @ 12:32pm]
[ mood | blank ]

Yesterday, I went and hung out with Caitlin for a little while. We were completely out of cigarettes and lip ring or any other guy at the gas station that doesn't card wasn't there. So we're at the mall and Stacie calls me....Stacie is 19 :)Sure, I hated that bitch in the summer time, and I hadn't seen her in a long time, but she wanted to hang out so Caitlin and I decided to, 'cause we really wanted cigarettes. Pick her up, talk, get cigarettes, went to the Enclave...she wasn't so bad. I enjoyed seeing her actually. I would hang out with her again. She was nice and all. Then I went to work and Beth has my hat for some reason, so when I came in, Bijal asks where my hat is, and I tell her I dont have it. She smiles and she says "I'll get a hairnet for you." She wasn't wearing a hat, shes in grill and she has long hair. I'm on front counter with short hair. I know she was only doing it because she hates me, but why I dont know. So I'm really pissed off and thinking how embarassing it would be to wear the hairnet, so if I did have to wear it, I would have quit. Go back there and I ask if there are any spare hats and she tells me to check the crew room. There was a regular black hat and a McDonalds hat. I dont know if they were anyones, but I took one anyways.
Then later on, she was telling my other manager that I wanna blow to cut me at 8. I was supposed to work 6-Close...so she wanted to cut me over 3 hours. I was cut at 8:30...
Matt, mmmmmm, well Kara and Katherine think he's interested. I dont know...they asked if he knew I liked him, 'cause he was being different around me...apparently he was flirting with me, and talking to me more than anyone else. But, I knew that didn't mean shit. Then Katherine said that when Bijal wanted to cut me at 8, he was like "Why? No, come on" I dunno. I wanna blow him.
After work went back home and then over to Beths house because Jon was over and them and Beths friends were going to go play pool in Eastlake at Franks or something. But, we got stoned before that lol. When we got there, I couldn't stay long because I had to be home at 11:30...but while I was there it was fun. Jon pushed Gill and Ray's brothers pool sticks to make them mess up. And I wore a wig for a little while. I looked like such white trash. I had huge glasses too. Beth said I looked like an Ewak. Talked to Ray for a little while and he's pretty cool. Beth said I was more outgoing when I'm high. I just love weed.

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Hey, Bitches, I'm back! [Wednesday, December 29th, 2004 @ 5:39pm]
[ mood | dorky ]

Its been kind of a while since I updated, but thats because my internet was being gay and webpages wouldn't come up...anywho, recently Jon and I rolled. My first time, and X is so awesome. I love it. I can't wait to do it again, hehheh. Made me really horny, 'cause you're just so sensitive to the touch when you do it, and then Jon and I made out, and its just really good. God, I <3 drugs!! Hehheh
Me and Caitlin hung out and went to the Enclave. A really hot guy was there and he sat at the table next to us. I should have said something to him, 'cause he was really hot and I haven't blown anyone in a while. I need to, shit. Went to the mall and I got these panties. It was 3 for $18, and I had a gift card to some store, so I figured may as well get them. They were cute. Hanging out with Jon in a little while, so it should be fun. I hang out with him all the time, I'm so glad we dont get sick of each other. I guess thats about all thats been going on. Break this week so thats really awesome. I'm all out of smokes. Sucks 'cause Jon and I will most likely be getting stoned tonight...welp, gotta go get him...
Nazis=<3

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Love is in Caitlins pants [Sunday, December 19th, 2004 @ 12:59pm]
[ mood | bouncy ]

So yesterday I went to the mall, 'cause I woke up early and the mall was packed. I didn't like being there by myself so when I got a phone call from Jon went over his house a short time later....smoked a little lol and then we went to All Tattoos to see if they had any nipple rings. They didnt which was kind of disappointing. I think after Christmas I'm gonna get an industrial in my ear. Damn, can't wait. The workers there said to try Hot Topic 'cause they have a good selection, but I really dont think they do. Uh, then I went and hung out with Caitlin, we called Jordan up and had him meet us at the mall. Jon called my phone and asked if he should do acid 'cause Beth got a hold of some I guess. He wanted to know if I could babysit them, but I wasn't allowed to 'cause I had to be home because of the bad weather that was to come...and that's here now. Later he called me and asked if he should do X instead of acid, and we'll get to the rest of that later...
Caitlin, Jordan and I went to the Enclave and sat and talked for a little while. I was buzzed that whole night. Loved it. I realized I'm kind of a chain smoker too. Went driving around for a little bit and I think Jordan and Caitlin have a connection going ;) I would like to see them hook up. Jordan seems like a really nice guy and Caitlin is nice and pretty cool so it all works out. Came home and Jon called me 'cause he was rolling and he was in some partially abandoned school in Euclid. He said it was really fun and wished I could have been there to experience it. I wish I were too. I should probably give him a call to make sure he's ok. But it was after 1 am and my mother made me get off the phone.
Went upstairs drank the rest of the liqour I had...and masturbated. Mmmm fun night.

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Eat your paisley [Saturday, December 18th, 2004 @ 10:22am]
[ mood | rushed ]

I tried calling Mike like he wanted me to. I figured I should since I never do. He wasn't home and I gotta say, what a relief! I think he called me later that night at like 10:30 on a private number, but I didn't wake up to it. He annoys me.
Jon and I were in our family studies class and the subject we're now learning about is something like "picking your mate". We had to make a list of 10 things we want in our ideal mate. I think I'd want my mate to have maturity, honesty, be faithful, responsible, have a good sense of humor, shared interests, cute, nice, romantic, and intelligent. Jon wanted someone black, borderline fat, likes to eat, and really hot. Lol. And then when the teacher was talking about it, Jon turns to me and says, "Ryan was really stupid." A little surprised, 'cause he never really said anything like that about him before, I just said, ".....yea.." Anytime I was telling him about it when Ryan and I were dating, he'd always try and get me to think it was cute...like some surfer stupidity.
But lets see....should have a busy day today. Jordan wanted to hang out, Andrew said he wanted to hang out, and I might be hanging out with Caitlin or maybe Jon. And tomorrow, I should be having a study session with Jon :D
I still need to do my Christmas shopping. Only have my brother, my mother, Jon, and Ashley M. Not bad I guess. My mom said AE was hiring, so I'm gonna check that out and apply. That'd be awesome to get, I think. Discounted clothes would be nice.
I had liqour in my room from when I had Jon over and I was so bored after work last night, that I drank some. Damn, it was so strong. It felt like it was choking me. After getting really buzzed, I just layed down and masturbated. Holy shit, that felt awesome. I can't wait to fuck....especially drunk! Hehheh
And now I gotta go finish getting ready so I can get a move on with the day...and so I can have a cigarette. Mmm.

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......PENIS! [Wednesday, December 15th, 2004 @ 9:03pm]
[ mood | horny ]

On my way to picking Jon up for school yesterday, I got into a little accident...hit some snow, because the street hadn't been plowed in hours, slid to the right, tried to get straightened out by turning the wheel to the left, but a car was coming from the opposite direction, so turned the wheel to the right and then tried to get myself straightened out, but apparently couldnt' because I just went into a ditch. Knocked down this mailbox...actually I had to drag it out from the middle of the road, picked up their mail, and about a half hour later a police officer comes, already had a tow on the way. Sat in his car, til it came. Jon comes up in his parka to see if I was ok, 'cause I called him to tell him what happened. I was in the ditch right before his side street too. So he comes up there and we're talking and just laughing, 'cause anytime I talk with Jon I'm just in a good mood. Wouldn't be surprised if the cop thought we may have been on something lol. Anywho, Jon went back to his house, and the officer gave me a ticket for reasonable control. I have to go to the Painesville courthouse on Monday. Bullshit if you ask me. Anyways, tow came around 9, which was just right up the street, so I dunno why it took an hour...but anywho, got out, side was really muddy and so far I only see two small dents and some paint scratched off. I'm amazed 'cause the car was nearly on its side. It was hard as fuck getting out of that thing. Anyways, picked Jon up and then we went to the mall 'cause we wanted to get there at lunch time and miss our english class....mall was so lame...A lot of old people, a few young guys, one gay, but really, really hot. Got to school and the bitch in the office was having an absolute fit on the time we were getting there. Doesn't matter, she dont matter, the whole school and the administration is a joke.
I'm failing Biology...oops.
Uhm, today went and got my oil changed...bought my dad a Christmas present. Got like $10 left and 3 people to shop for...oh well...I got a five finger discount hehheh.
Met up with Dave and went driving around a bit...he had KB with him still but I passed 'cause I'm a little paranoid about driving now, especially stoned. But uh, after he had a few hits and was stoned, we went parking...he wanted me to blow him. I didn't. Just jacked him off...I wish he'd trim or something! Shit, my mouth ain't goin' down there into a jungle like that. Even his balls are hairy. But yea, he blew a load, and it was really warm...there was a lot, and I liked it. Something about a load being blown that is just so fuckin' hot.
Uh, Ashley M wants to hook me up with some dude she knows. 22 years of age..mmmm...And hes so fucking hot. Only problem is that he has two girls that are twins, but Ashley said that he hardly sees them because they live really far away. Looking at him right now...he reminds me of a nazi..mmmm...Mmmmm..
I guess thats about all...having a huge study session with Jon tomorrow, and you know what that means ;)

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Give speed a chance [Tuesday, December 14th, 2004 @ 7:39am]
[ mood | amused ]

Sunday was awesome as well. Its about 3 in the afternoon and Caitlin still hadn't called me so I went over Jons house and we smoked the rest of what he had of his eighth. Then we smoked tea. Lol. We were looking for nutmeg, but couldn't find any. Tea just gets you buzzed and nutmeg gets you like stoned or something. I dont know...but Jon said nutmeg could temporarily blind you. Tea really did increase the buzz though, even if it did taste like shit. Then Caitlin called my phone and Jons dad was gonna be home soon anyways, so I went and got Caitlin. Caitlin said I smelled like weed, which kinda scared me 'cause I was talking with her parents a little bit. We went to the Mentor mall and then I called Andrew, and Jordan..and neither of them was available, so I called Dave. We went up to the Richmond mall and met him up there....Dave is cute...He had KB with him...mmmmm so we went on route and smoked that. Like, 3 hits and I was stoned off my ass. Could have just been because all I did that weekend was smoke, but meh..got home and my eyes were so red. I couldn't even get myself to look sober. I swear to god my parents never smoked weed, 'cause they are so clueless as to what I do...even the summer nights when I came home drunk and stoned, they didn't even think anything of it. I must have reeked like alcohol if not weed.
Hmmm, and then last night I got 12 hours of sleep. Mike called me around 1 am, which is the time my mom wakes up and she heard me talking to him so she storms in my room after we hang up and asked who it was and why they were calling so early. Mike asked if I hated him and blah blah blah, 'cause I never call him and we never talk. He called me on a private number, which kinda makes me like, "what?" I dunno, for those days I didn't talk to him, I didn't miss him at all. I hate talking to him, and I hate thinking about him. Meh, I gotta go to school

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Who died and made this motha fucka a son of a bitch? [Sunday, December 12th, 2004 @ 4:22am]
[ mood | high ]

The school week went by so slowly. I hate school so much. I wanna just quit. Tht'd be awesome, stay home everyday and go over Jons house to get trashed. Ah, yes indeed, thats the life for me. So, Friday, I had work from 6-9. Bullshit hours, and when I got there I come to find that I'm on the schedule next week for 3 hours one day, and that was all. They hired a bunch of new people so they're giving them all the hours, which I think is total bullshit. The first hour went by fine, but after that I was just working with Bijal and anytime that I do, I just want to slap that bitch.
Hmmm I did get my hair cut. I got a whole 12" cut off, and that's enough to be donated to some kids with cancer, so I got it for free. That was pretty awesome, 'cause my hair cut just looks awesome. Jon said that it looked hot and that it was sexy 'cause it made me look older and it does...'cause on Friday, I was 24. Lol. So after Friday's work, I picked Jon up and we went to get Beth over at Wherleys house, went back to Beths house, they did my hair to make it flip out, and it looked awesome. Went back to Wherleys to pick up her older sisters ID...on the way to Lakewood I memorized all her information. We stopped at Eds for alittle while, smoked some then went to Bounce. My first time at a club, 'cause its just not my thing and dancing, I do not do, but Bounce was so much fun. I saw drag queens, missed the drag show though. Got a free cd, which is a techno remix of pop songs; sounds really awesome. A lot of hot guys, how unfortunate that they're gay. But I went and bought a Hurricane. It was good, had that puppy down fast. In the bathrooms, it didn't matter whether you were in the men or womens room because both sexes went into either. Beth totally exposed her tits in the guys room to show us her nipple rings. This one guy introduced himself to me on the dance floor 'cause I kept accidentally hitting his ass, and I think he must have liked that someone was touching his ass. I dunno. I went through 3 cigarette packs in 2 days and that makes me kinda mad at myself. Ed guessed my tit size, and he was dead on! I was really surprised, and amazed, but I was pretty fucked up at the time. Jon had my show everyone my cleavage. He wanted me to flash everyone and I wouldn't so he tried pulling my shirt up, so I just ended up showing them my cleavage.
Woke up the next day, Jon and I waked and baked. Then Beth, Jon and I just sat on the couch watching tv the whole day, while Ed had already left to go to Medina. Beth made some rice and found larva in it, so she wrapped it up and put it in the fridge for Ed to eat lol. Got home, and my parents are gone for the night...so around 10 I pick Jon up and we go back to my house, smoke, get Gideon-Puff stoned by contact, and then watched movies. We watched Lil' Pimp, which was just awesome as fuck, ate a lot of junk food 'cause we were getting tired and thought a sugar high would help, and it did for about 15 minutes... and then we watched Christmas with the Kranks, but we ended up falling asleep through that and woke up around 3 in the morning. Took him home and here I am. This weekend has been so awesome so far, and theres still another day left. Damn, I cannot wait.

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Hooblah! [Wednesday, December 8th, 2004 @ 7:07am]
[ mood | cold ]

Monday, I woke up at like 4 in the morning and still a little buzzed from the morphine which was awesome. I could definitely feel it when I had a cigarette too, but I was still sort of nauseous. Fell asleep through a lot of my classes and what not. Guitar lessons sucked. Hadn't practiced in two weeks. He's getting a little pissed about it, but I dont care, at least not enough to practice. Lol. After lessons I picked Jon up and we went smoking in the village. Passed up a cop while we were in dense fog and it scared the shit out of me.
Yesterday, Jon and I went "shopping"...or more like shoplifting. It was basically my first time but he said I did good. We got over $100 worth of stuff in under an hour and then picked up his brother Jesse and got at least like $50 more. It was really fun and easier than I thought it would be. Then I had to go home and about an hour or so later Jon called from Beths house and said that Jesse had gotten arrested for shoplifting. Really sucks 'cause hes over 18.
Today I have to make up a book test I was supposed to take Monday....but I haven't read the novel yet. Lol. Just too many damn things coming up.

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Blow [Sunday, December 5th, 2004 @ 10:25pm]
[ mood | sick ]

Damn, I just wrote this big ass entry and the damn computer fucked up. Anyways, hung out with Caitlin....blah blah blah, afterwards, hung out with Ryan and we went out to Mentor 'cause we were going to go see his friend but she was still out with her mother when we got there, so we went to these peoples house across the street that he knew. Didn't talk much 'cause I didn't know anyone and hardly know Ryan really, but somehow this one dude was asking he I wanted some weed and we went downstairs for him to show me it and then he said he'd give me 3 morphine pills for $10 and gave me his number for pretty much anything to get hooked up with. Whatever he can get. Which, is awesome.
Jon and Beth stopped over and gave me a cat that they ganged from Willoughby. Its really, really friendly but it doesn't get a long with the other animals, and fights with the other cats. Its name is Gideon or Gideon Puff. I like Gideon Puff. But anywho, I love it especially since its ganged. I wanna get it a contact buzz one of these days. Jon and I hun out later and went to the Enclaved and blew the morphine pills in the parking lot. Oh, but earlier we were at the mall and he stole me a choke with spikes on it from Spencers and he stole a cd and tape deck from FYE. Two kids were about to enter as he was stealing and there were like 4 other people passing as he just has merchandise in his hand and no bag. We ran to my car and left. Lol fun fun. Went to the Richmond mall, and he stole a belt from that Spencers and a Guys Gone Wild from FYE, damaged his hand though, and he also stole me a tomagatchi from KB Toys.Hes gonna teach me the way so I can steal good.
About an hour after we blew the morphine we went back to Jons house 'cause his parents were gonna be gone at church or whatever, we watched GGW. Damn, it sucked. The guys dicks weren't even hard and they didn't even jack off...It was so lame 'cause it was mostly just asses and shirtless guys being stupid. Thats when the morphine started kicking in. We smoked a cigarette or two and had some deer jerky that his dad made. Really good...our stomachs hurt but it wasn't so bad....came home and laid down for like a half hour, got up, and then I went to the trash can and threw up. I hope thats normal...I feel like shit right now, but I'm still fucked up so I feel good at the same time. I have to read a novel by tomorrow 'cause theres a book test tomorrow, but oh well. Fuck it. I'll make it up somehow. Well I feel sick so I'm gonna go...but I love drugs

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Fucking Douche [Thursday, December 2nd, 2004 @ 3:30pm]
[ mood | annoyed ]

So, today is supposed to be the last day I'm really contagious. Jon stayed home from school and his parents said I could come over, and I asked my dad, he was being the usual dick about it, so I called him a jackass. Then I got really pissed off from him and well, dented the wall lol. Never did anything like htat before. But lately I think I'm just falling back into my depression, and I dont even really know from what. I definitely dont want to do the therapy thing again, it was a waste of time, and I definitely dont want to do the anti depressant pills again. I think I ended up doing more damage from those than anything. I ODed a few times on those, not enough to do anything major but enough to make me sick a few days. No appetite and horrible diarrhea...not to mention anytime I farted it smelled like something crawled up my ass to die...heartburn, indegestion, and insomnia. What I really dont want to happen is the whole cutting thing. I know how immature and stupid that is, but I used to do it, and it is addicting. I haven't done it in almost two years but anytime I'm upset, its on my mind and thats horrible. I hate being 16 and I hate that my mother treats me like I'm 11. Its ridiculous, and I hate her for it. Its funny that anytime I do something so small they dont approve of, they blow it way out of proportion and act like I just tried assaulting them or something. I'm not a bad kid. Sure I may smoke pot a lot and occasionally get drunk, but they're just bad habits. They should give me more credit.
Tuesday I was able to get out, before my mother calling my phone telling me to get home right away. I picked Jon up and we got these Camel Mocha Mint cigarettes. They smell like chocolate, but they smell better than they taste unfortunately. They're not bad though. We went to the mall and he stole a Postal Service cd from FYE. Postal Service is pretty good too, I enjoyed listening to them. Well tomorrow I'm sposed to be able to go out but with that dent in the wall, I guess I'll have to see. Hehheh

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"I like...penises. They make me smile :-)" [Tuesday, November 30th, 2004 @ 1:46pm]
[ mood | flirty ]

Yesterday, Jon and I hung out after school. We wanted to go to the Beachwood mall, because he had gotten directions from his mother on how to get there but we got way too stoned to go onto the highway...so we went for another search for the Richmond mall. Lol, yea, but this time, we found it! Too bad the Richmond mall blows. I thought the Great Lakes Mall was bad, but this one absolutely sucks. GL Mall is like 97% white people and the Richmond mall is like 97% black people Haha. Got home and my buzz was instantly killed. My dad needed my car for Sunday and Monday because my brother was using his car because his car was being fixed, and so I thought my dad needed my car yesterday for work, but he needed it for hunting. I didn't know this. So, when I pull into the driveway I see the back of my car open, with 4 deer carcuses in the back. I was so pissed off because no one told me he was going hunting, my grandpa has a truck that's shittier than my mountaineer, that they should have used, and my buzz was killed. I'm not sure if I was ever so mad before. Shit, I was so mad. Found out I have mono. Bummer, but at least after this, I wont get it again. My throat doesn't hurt nearly as much anymore, so thats awesome.
Just tried talking to Ryan, and it's apparent that I dont need to see him to break up with him, because I think we both know its over. Which is good, because now I dont have to tell him how bad of a boyfriend he is...and he is pretty bad to have my mom even say it.
Mike called me last night, so I gotta call him today after work. I dont really want to, he kinda really turned me off of the idea of being friends with him, but maybe he's better when he's just mellow like the day we met.
Ryan invited me to go to the zoo when they got their lights up with him and his friends. Never met his friends and haven't ever seen the lights up at the zoo. Should be fun
This weekend, I got Saturday off, so Jon said he could probably get some stuff for us to roll! Just dont know where we're gonna spend the night. Either at Beths, because apparently its really fun 'cause her dad just comes in with a bong asking if you want to smoke up. Lol. Or in Lakewood. I hope its in Lakewood. I haven't seen Ed in forever, and I miss him! If we're not gonna roll, we're probably just gonna go to Lakewood and go to Bounce. Should be fun.
Didn't go to school today because I didn't have to. Thats awesome. I got work today 4-7. I fuckin' hate McDonalds, but hopefully Matt will be there!

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Blah [Sunday, November 28th, 2004 @ 11:32pm]
[ mood | good ]

So Mike and I hung out like twice and Saturday he really pissed me off. He had me drive all the way to Cleveland, for nothing, and then just the whole night was fucked up. We went to the movies and saw Bourne Supremacy. He wouldn't shut up through the entire movie. He was so damn annoying that night. But later that night he called me just to say good night. Kinda pisses me off in a way. Ryan doesn't do any of that shit. He doesn't even call! Makes me mad that I'm getting more attention from someone who I'm just friends with rather than the dude I'm going out with. This whole experience has turned me off of sex. I used to want it, but now, frankly, I can wait. And I'm not even going to bother looking for a boyfriend, 'cause I dont want one now. I just want to hang out with anyone I meet, and if I happen to like them and they like me, we can try it. I'm not jumping into dating anymore. Ryan hasn't called me since who the fuck knows when. I haven't seen him since Tuesday. We dont live that far apart, he has no fucking job, this is not a relationship. So fuck it. All guys seem to be disappointments...I'm not turning lesbo, no matter how dykie that sounds haha.
Anyways, I was talking to Katherine, a girl from work and we were talking about Manager Matt. She said that he said he liked me. Now, I'm not sure to believe it because she doesn't really lie, but she likes to fuck with peoples heads. She said they were talking about something and he was like "Yea, I like Laura." And Katherine was like, "Yea, I bet you like girls." And he was like, "Yea, I like Laura. Thats proof enough." I dont know. Like, she told me she wasn't bullshitting me in a serious tone, but I really dont know what to believe. That'd be awesome if he did like me, I think.
This guy, Floyd and I were talking. Never talked to him before but he seems cool I guess. Hes 25. I think he was checking me out, but I'm not sure. I know he kept staring at my tits, and he kept talking about sex with me! I asked if he drank or smoked and he was like "I drink a little...I'm more of a sexaholic though." Ooookaaay. He asked if I had a boyfriend and I told him about Ryan and how I was planning on breaking up with him since he doesn't know how to treat me right and he was saying how he knew how to treat a girl and blah blah blah. I dunno. He seems nice..but really stupid.
Oh, but earlier today I hung out with Caitlin and we went to the Enclave. Sat and talked about guys and shit. It was nice. Then we went to the mall and Caitlin saw some kids from school in a much younger grade than us, and I decided to be a pervert, but they liked it, so I dunno..cool. I love being perverted with people I dont know and they're just perverts back. The best way to make friends. Heh. Then we were heading to Wal-Mart in Eastlake and we called up Eastlake Ryan :). .Met him up there and we went into the toy section playing around with all the try things and everything else that looked fun. It was brief, but I enjoyed myself. I love booh bahs!

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Happy Holidays [Friday, November 26th, 2004 @ 12:43am]
[ mood | content ]

So today was Thanksgiving. Wasn't looking forward to it 'cause it meant spending time with the family. I thought we were going over my dad's side so I wasn't too bummed about today, and then I found out we were going over my moms side and immediately I got pissed off. Its so dull going over and spending time with her side. They dont even talk to me, unless its to say how weird I am for what I like in appearance and style. Gladly, it only lasted about 3 hours.
Told my mother I was gonna break it off with Ryan and she agreed that I should. We were talking about it and she said that he didn't treat me right. I have someone and I still feel as lonely as I did when I was single. He doesn't call, or show much of any affection. Better off as just friends, since that's basically what we are now anyways. Why waste my time even more than I already have?
So, that being said, I think this is an excuse to get drunk....:D

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Oh wow [Saturday, November 20th, 2004 @ 11:01pm]
[ mood | crazy ]

So Caitlin and I went to the mall. Dull. Always is. Went to the Enclave and talked for a little while then went to Eastlake. We were driving around the back roads, and we saw this guy walking so we pulled up to him and Caitlin had her window down and we all talked for a bit. Now, I know this is really stupid, but we gave him a ride to BP...but, he did buy us cigarettes, and I think that's what sold us. While we were there, this old lady said he was completely harmless, 'cause he wanted us to go back to his house and chill. He lives with his mom so we did. We listened to music and talked. He was really nice and we both felt comfortable talking to him. He said his friend new the managers of the band, Dope. I was like holy shit, but anyways, he's 23. Hehheh. He has a kid, and the mother of his kid and his kid stopped by unannounced so we had to go. He tried kissing me so I pulled away, 'cause what the fuck. He seems like he'd be cool to hang out with, so if we hang out again, I'm taking Caitlin with us. Hah. But then we went to Wisner road searching for Melonheads. Nothing, then we went on the other Wisner road where the bridge is close. Road turned extremely narrow, into a one lane type thing, so I tried reversing out of there. Too bad I cant see shit when I do that. Anyways, then we just drove around a bit. It was a fun night, and it's always nice making new friends.






Taurus - Your Love Profile


Your positive traits:



You tend to stick with relationships - through the good and the bad.

You are a great listener and tend to give valuable advice.

Cautious and careful, you never jump in recklessly... saving yourself from heartbreak.



Your negative traits:



Money is very important to you, so much so that it's a cause of arguments in relationships.

If your lover isn't loyal or attentive enough to you, your eyes start to wander...

You tend to keep things inside - so your partner may not know when or why you're upset.



Your ideal partner:



Is stable, serious, and ready to be committed to you.

Is successful and able to provide you with the lifestyle you crave.

A true romantic, who is willing to express their desire for your heart.



Your dating style:



Comfortable and traditional. You'd love to have a nice meal at a cozy restaurant.



Your seduction style:



Love comes first for you before you'd even think of intimacy.

Traditional: you're not a cold fish - but you're not into kink either.

Pleasing... you always make sure that your partner is having a good time.



Tips for the future:



Be willing to change your mind. Who you think is the love of your life may be very wrong for you.

Try listening to your mate. While your stubborn streak is hard to break, sometimes your partner knows best.

Ligthen up! The first months of a relationship should be about fun, not intentions.



Best place to meet someone online:



American Singles - peek in on how much potential dates make, and what they do for a living.



Best color to attract mate: Pale blue



Best day for a date: Friday



Get your free love profile at Blogthings.


Its really quite amazing how close that actually is. Wow.

And my weekly horoscope is:
This week's scenario is highlighted by your competitive nature.

You will be in the limelight while attending a social function.

Opportunities to study are present, don't allow anyone to hold you back from your dreams.

Get involved in projects you believe in.

Unusual investments could lead to lucrative profits.

You should be able to make financial gains if you apply for a prominent position.

You can form solid partnerships or unions with individuals who will benefit your cause.

Get busy turning your home into the place you want to live in.

Don't let jealousy lead to an unpleasant situation.
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6 pop cans [Saturday, November 20th, 2004 @ 4:00pm]
[ mood | disappointed ]

I can not stand working with Bijal. I just want to punch her fucking face in. I'm in the middle of doing...a million things and she tells me to do all this other shit, and says I can't go home til I get it all done. They can't do that. I know that. So I just went home anyways. Pisses me off when they think they can take advantage of me like that. Anwyays
Hung out with Jon after work. He called me and he was in a paniced voice and asked if I could pick him up as soon as I could. And of course I would, 'cause not only is he my best friend, but I love hanging out with him. So I pick him up and he says that his mom was having a bible study group and some old guy was caressing his leg and could tell Jon was uncomfortable about it, but yet the guy kept doing it. So, we got some weed, hehheh and we didn't have a bowl, so we took an empty pop can and smoked out of that...6 of them, as you can tell by the heading of my journal entry. Holy shit, it's like a really ghetto almost bong. Works really well.
Woke up this morning at like 10 til 9 and I had work at 9. I thought I was fucked since it takes me at least 15 minutes to get to work...but not today. Took me 8. I was going about 20 over the limit the whole way there though. Got there at 9:01!!!! I was on meat the entire lunch day. Sucked...was nauseous, got cut early though, thank god.
And tonight I was gonna go to the Enclave and then to Robinhoods Den to see some bands perform, but my friends mom wont let her go to a bar. So that bites, 'cause I was really looking forward to it. Pangea was gonna be there, and I like them. Oh well, another time though, I suppose. Just gonna go to the Enclave and the mall I guess. Hopefully it's fun, but if not, oh fuckin' well.

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I smell fish [Thursday, November 18th, 2004 @ 3:42pm]
[ mood | irate ]

So, after going to the mall, walking around for a little while, it was really boring so I called Caitlin up. I really wanted to talk to or at least see someone. I picked her up and then we went to the Enclave. I told her what was on my mind, which was Ryan. He had this link in his profile for some blog thing and it has a section of his details. It asks his marital status which he had single, and it asked why he was there for, which he had down dating and friends. Later that night I talked to him about it and he said he didn't have time to fill it all out in depth. Can I just add that, all other information about himself was filled out on there...anyways, apparently it's nothing to worry about. So, I guess this time, I wont worry about it, even though everyone I've talked to about it, said it was really fishy...'cause it is. I'll give the benefit of the doubt though. Just this once.
Oh, and while Caitlin and I were out, we went to Wal-Mart. I called Eastlake Ryan up to see if he could meet us up there, and he did and he brought his little brother. I had fun. Got cut a little short by my mother demanding me be home because her car won't start and she's hungry and needs cigarettes.
Anyways, school was dull. In Biology we were reading this article from a newspaper that took two days in class to read...and we're still not done with it. It's pathetic. I can't stand that class, the little shits bug me so much. Makes me really regret dropping Bio last year. Oh well though, just another mistake.
And then Dave called me at like 3 in the morning today. For some reason I woke up shortly before my phone rang. Weird. It happens sometimes though. God, we talked for like an hour and a half. I was so tired for school, I woke up at like 7:20, got dressed, picked Jon up, went to school and got there like 2 minutes before the late bell rang. If he makes his morning calls a habit like he had for a short while before, then I'm gonna have to get to bed earlier. But not tonight, because I have work until 10. Eh, I hate that place. Hopefully manager Matt is working. He makes the work days somewhat enjoyable for me when he's not being an asshole.
Shit, I need more cigarettes. Smoked 'em all last night! I'd so suck cock for a fag right now O:-)

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